She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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