I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
