If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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