We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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