i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
