is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
bring money and cleavage
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize