Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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