umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
