Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
