She is in my trunk
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
