doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
