you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
