im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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