ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
