well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
