she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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