she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
