I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
