very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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