maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
