This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
