yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
