what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
