I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
