I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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