you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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