His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
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