Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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