When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
