are you so shy because you have an std?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
