I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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