you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
