Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
