Hey man sorry I got all grabby
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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