Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
