you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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