You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
