alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
