its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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