next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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