Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
