Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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