Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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