I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
