my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
