can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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