Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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