I need to stop coming to work sober
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize