I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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