part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dicks are not precious.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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