mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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