She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
