Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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