I want to walk on stilts...naked
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So vagazzling was a success
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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