Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize