At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
