fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
