my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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