your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize