u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
