I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
