worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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