why didn't you poke me back
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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