He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
