Kiss
Puke
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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