We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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