I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
this hospital has no fireball
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
