im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
